You want the truth?

This is for na, and syafiq, who kept asking me the same question. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. You guys love asking me, if nana 'kau suka dia ke tak?' or when syafiq dolah sometimes try to make fun of me by 'jealousy', and when I act dumb he would say 'kau ada feeling ke tak? Macam takda je?'. TRUTHFULLY, nana first, at first, it was just a maybe. But oh my god nana, when I hear her voice, dammit, my heart would melt. When she's near me, it really gave me butterfly! And when she smiled, god, that irresistible smile, who? I asked you who wouldn't fall for that? She's different, and I mean you can't find a person like that every day. She is truly one of a kind nana! All this while, I was confuse, and I felt guilty if I was using her as a tool to forget you know who. My god nana, I start realizing all this when I just can't stop thinking of her nowadays. When I said, its hard for me to love somebody, I really mean it! Its freaking hard for me to love anybody, and after I got fed up with the last girl you know who, I guess I forgot what it's like to chase the real thing. When I first got a glimpse of her, I din't feel anything, but when I said I want her, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want her, since it ain't easy for me to say that. I guess that is a sign from the universe to tell me that she's the one who I gotta be with. And now for syafiq dolah, all that jealousy act you said to me and do infront of me. You think I don't have any feeling towards that? You said I got NO feeling? MY GOD, ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT I FEEL ON THE INSIDE. Your my friend, of course I wont show it to you, you jackass. I LOVE YOU MAN. And now, I just don't know what to do, as if my option is limited. And she's way out of my league. I don't know what I can do, I don't get the chance to interact with her sangat pun nowadays. ITS IMPOSSIBLE.
I can't do it, I can wait for sure. But for how long? Three years like the old one? I can't wait that long, I just CAN'T. Im afraid of the word 'rejection'. I feel if time is not by my side, then its a NO. If I can overcome that. Then its a YES. I WANT HER. OKAY I WAAAAAAAAAANT HER! :D