It's about time.

People often forget, what their purpose in life sometime. I mean, some people don't even know what they want in life, they just follow the lead, for example, study, get a job, get a family, and eventually, when the time is right, you die. While we humans busy doing all that, some of you maybe, feel that you probably should do something right now, but you don't know what it is! Maybe, some of you feels like you wanna be a superman, that can fly here and there, or maybe a nation leader or something like that. For me, I wanna be a ultraman, so that I can fight all the evil monster out there and fire them with beams from my arms across. Okay, this few lines uptop is just to waste you time. Well, the purpose of this post is, a reminder to all of you. That raya is about to end in a couple of day, and it officially ends on this saturday. We often think that we can't wait for another raya next year, and for me, raya next year wouldn't be the same. Think, by raya next year, i'm no longer a what we call a 'school' student. And by next ramadhan, there be no more iftar with my school mates. Maybe we all are gonna be scattered around malaysia, but for sure we ain't gonna see 'some' of each other. Why am I thinking that far out? I bet you, none of us here, can guarantee we even live till tomorrow. But come to think of it, its rather sad to think, this all gonna be over. Usually in december, I just can't wait to go to school, since i'm sick of this goddamn holiday, not matter how we hate learning, we still love the fact that we can see our friends, who we've known for three or five years, friends who've we trust and love, friends who we stand pround and tall too. Its sad, in the next 4 months, things will change drastically for me. My school days are gonna be over, and i'll be lossing some friends on the way. Maybe, the last day of spm, is the last day I get the chance to meet some of my friends, I mean, along this long way of life, we probably see each other in later life, but some, we will probably never gonna see again. It broke my heart to think of this. But, it's about time I realize, time is moving, and there's nothing in this world that can slow it down, nor stop it, but mind you, if we really use the time at best, we'll definitely enjoy every ounce of it :)

should I, should I not?

I don't know, seriously, while i'm typing all this down, i'm skyping with amirahwani, and she's playing the song from hady mirza-ku tetap kan menunggu. And my god, that song, seriously reminding me of her. Dammit, i'm a coward, i'm sorry. I don't mind, but I wish I was brave enough to tell you. That I WANT YOU, the thing is, I already know the answer, and i'm afraid, things will be different next time, how can I face you next time? You'll think of me differently next time. What should I do? I think, I should just tell you how I feel, that will of course get me at ease, but, what will be the impact of this action? Losing you of course. OH GOD, WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Maybe, nothing? I mean, zul affkarl even said, that I don't stand a chance, maybe, I genuinely don't have a fucking chance. Thank you for the advice zul, maybe now I really can took that cynide pill that i've been holding for some times. Hey, you guys should really listen to that song, and I mean that hady mirza song, the title is at uptop. Check it out, cause i'm doing that, and I mean i'll be waiting, no matter for how long. Oh, I dreamt about you last night, again. 

It's time.

this two days have been awesome! Let me talk about yesterday first! I wore my white padini shirt, my black crocodile pants, and my david beckam adidas shoes. I'm dress to kill to celebrate my birthday and adila's birthday at the same time! Abah send me around 1430 hours, well of course nana and shafiq dolah tumpang sekali. We arrived there just in time they all nak start makan! Anyway, after potong kek, and gila gila over there. Syafiq jaafar called a cab since three of us, consist of shafiq lah,syafiq jaafar, and I got not transport to izul's crib! Since yusry's ride is full with nana and hany's siblings. And even better, anip was there, he was driving a proton exora, and my god, eight girls tumpang diaaa seh! Anyway, masa sampai rumah izul, we had so much food intake, since he made a lamb grill, of course all of us went from full, to hungry in approximately 5 second. From izul's crib, we went to alia's crib, but thank god izul was kind enough to tag along, since he can drive, three of the the cabbies tag along with him! Oh, yeah and of course sri went there from his place :) Alia's crib was the last one, and we had a little problem there, were sri and hakim, finally confronted each other to settle some, 'business'. Anyway, after all that we go homeeee. Well, I wish I can tell you more, but since i'm freaking ngantuk, I'll probably sambung this later. CHERRIO.

Birthday :)

Today, was just beautiful. I wish, I could press replay :')

armpit and roses.

The title has clearly nothing to do with the content, I just can't think of a name. Since I haven't got a clue on what i'll be typing today eh? Why don't we just talk about what i've done so far today? Well, not much, like a normal teenager, I woke up around 1100 hours, then I swirl around for a minute in front of the tv, and head down for food. Since mama haven't got anything downstairs, I went back upstairs for a quick nap. Okay, this is boring, even I feel boring doing this. Oh, since tomorrow is my birthday, if any of my friends forgot to wish me, confirm aku cekik -_-'

Openhouse

this week, there's three open house. First and foremost, adila's crib to celebrate mine and her's birthday. Secondly alia's crib, then of course izzul :D I just can't wait for this saturday! Oh, by next week, I can take my road law exams, of course I kinda hesitate about driving, since I never had the chances to drive or any experience in driving, oh, does daytona counts? NEVERMIND. Hey, since my exam is officially over, WHY CAN"T WE WATCH JOHNY ENGLISH :(

woof woof.

woof woof? Yeaaaaah, that's got nothing to do with the content of the post. Well, today approximately around 1600 hours, izul came and fetch me, nana and hany and sent us to mcd. Since tomorrow is my seni paper, and I don't have a clue of what i'm gonna draw. Yeah, this is bullshit, anyway its more to lepak rather than studying, what to read nor drew since we all sucks at doing that! So, at mcd was me,nana,hany,yus,shafiq dol and ajib who came a little bit later, and the weird thing was, nadiah zaidi came masa we all dah nak balik. I din't even speak a word to her, maybe because, I felt bad because I forgot to invite her to mcd today.

 I felt like a basterd, I can't even look at your face just now because of the guilt build up inside of me just now. I'm soooo sooooo sooooooooooooo sorry NADIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ZAAAAAAAAAAAAIDI. I DIN'T MEAN TO FORGET YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. I just wanna hung myself right now. Its like I feel bad all inside me right now. God, was I thinking, rasa macam nak order air panas tadi and simbah kat my face ah seh. 

i wonder.

What should I say on this post? Er, well my birthday is coming, as in this saturday. What I want? A FREEEAAAAAAAKING NEEEEEEEEEW PHONEEEEEE. Oh and another thing, I know things are so far going nowhere, but you think im gonna give up? HELL NO. C'mon, I waited for the last girl for a year, of course I won't give up on this one so easily right? Okaaaaay, maybe you guys don't trust me on this one, but i'll prove it to you people out there. It's not easy okay, what? You think its like walking at the park? Life isn't a bed of roses, you need to face the music. You know, the girl with the multiple coloure bangle, she was my whole life, now that she's gone, it felt, different. Hm, what would I call this 'new' person eh? How about, JERAWAT? hahahaha! that's the name nana and I came up with. Well, before she was here, of course I feel different because I don't know how to pick up girls anymore since its been so long with the old one. But when she came to me, and when I start falling for her, I became restless. I know there's something different when I JUST CANT STOP THINKING OF HER. Okay, boring ah pula constantly cakap pasal dia, eh, birthday is coming, dah boleh ambik license! HELL YEAH.

Breath in.

the clock state 2345 hours, my stomach is bloated by the carcass I ate since morning, my lungs is full with the smoke from sheshaa I smoked from yesterday and today. My god, yesterday we had so much fun yesterday. We went karaoke, with mama's friend. MY GOD. I WANNA REWIND ALL THAT! Anyway, today I went to subang parade, dah tiga tahun kot tak gerak parade! DAH BERUBAH TAHAP EXTREME! Oh, there's another thing, I don't know about this girl, haihhhhh, take a long a deep breath haziq. I don't know if she even like me. Let me continue this some other time. Deal?

What a day.

well, its 0032 hours now, and at 0700 hours, we're heading to ampang hilir! Or we use the term, 'uncle shaarin' house! I love it there, hey, where else you could wake up in the morning, and as you look at the window, you'll see a white guy riding a horse. Since his house is near the Royal Selangor Polo Club, that's normal. At first, it scared the crap out of me, but since then, i'm getting used to it :) Oh, anyway, sunday ada wedding kat singapore, wonder what its like a malay wedding there, the last time I went to a wedding expo in singapore. IT WAS LIKE YOUR ENTERING A NEW DIFFERENT WORLD! SUMPAH.

I miss sheshaa.

puff puff, my 2 weeks holiday starts today. And I wanna do one thing, and one thing only, SHESHAAA LAAAAAAA VIDAAAAAAAAAAAA.

of course ah I miss sheshaa, last time I smoked it, when my brother got married, yep. On his wedding day, we ordered 20 something jars of sheshaa :D

its not that i don't want.

Its not that I don't want to confess to her already. I think I wanna do things slowly. But, truthfully, i'm kinda afraid, if she said no, i'm afraid of changes. I'm afraid everything will change, you, me, everything. Oh my, only god knows how much I waant you right now :) When its about you, I decided to give it my all. I'll go for broke, when the time is right, i'm gonna show you what I really felt about you.Oh my god! My own regret, is not seeing you infront of me this whole time :) I just can't get enough of youuuu! You're just to, too extraordinary, because there's no word in this world that I can relate it to you, you're just to special to be describe.

 I wish I had known you earlier, i'm afraid its to late for me to have you! But, seriously, I won't stop now. I'm gonna go for it. No matter what people say, no matter what people do, i'm gonna have you. *let just hope so* Seriously, its hard, to admit that i'm falling for you. But one day, when I looked at you, damn, I just can't help to notice, how I feel about you. I really really am falling for you. And its just pain and agony this minute pass without you bein' here :)

embarrass.

I came to nadiah zaidi's house, super early, and I was wearing a baju melayu. HOW GREAT. Oh, I din't get to eat any food. I was hungry. Like extreme hunger. But nevermind, at least it was fun :)

You want the truth?

This is for na, and syafiq, who kept asking me the same question. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. You guys love asking me, if nana 'kau suka dia ke tak?' or when syafiq dolah sometimes try to make fun of me by 'jealousy', and when I act dumb he would say 'kau ada feeling ke tak? Macam takda je?'. TRUTHFULLY, nana first, at first, it was just a maybe. But oh my god nana, when I hear her voice, dammit, my heart would melt. When she's near me, it really gave me butterfly! And when she smiled, god, that irresistible smile, who? I asked you who wouldn't fall for that? She's different, and I mean you can't find a person like that every day. She is truly one of a kind nana! All this while, I was confuse, and I felt guilty if I was using her as a tool to forget you know who. My god nana, I start realizing all this when I just can't stop thinking of her nowadays. When I said, its hard for me to love somebody, I really mean it! Its freaking hard for me to love anybody, and after I got fed up with the last girl you know who, I guess I forgot what it's like to chase the real thing. When I first got a glimpse of her, I din't feel anything, but when I said I want her, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want her, since it ain't easy for me to say that. I guess that is a sign from the universe to tell me that she's the one who I gotta be with. And now for syafiq dolah, all that jealousy act you said to me and do infront of me. You think I don't have any feeling towards that? You said I got NO feeling? MY GOD, ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT I FEEL ON THE INSIDE. Your my friend, of course I wont show it to you, you jackass. I LOVE YOU MAN. And now, I just don't know what to do, as if my option is limited. And she's way out of my league. I don't know what I can do, I don't get the chance to interact with her sangat pun nowadays. ITS IMPOSSIBLE.
I can't do it, I can wait for sure. But for how long? Three years like the old one? I can't wait that long, I just CAN'T. Im afraid of the word 'rejection'. I feel if time is not by my side, then its a NO. If I can overcome that. Then its a YES. I WANT HER. OKAY I WAAAAAAAAAANT HER! :D

Rayaaaa.

Ahoy people, its been awhile. BECAUSE RAYA LA! Oh, anywaaaaaay, I never mention this before to anyone. When I was in form 3, during the aidilfitri sermon in Kedah. The imam mention this, 'kita semua seronok menyambut hari raya dan bulan puasa, tapi adakah kita pasti, yang kita dapat merasainya lagi pada tahun depan? Setahun kita tunggu untuk bulan mulia itu, tetapi ingatkah kita, bahawa bila bila masa sahaja allah boleh menjemput kita'. And trust me, I went numb, and straight away I took a big gulp!